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vanimadinWritten for Kierseth's birthday a few years back. ♥
Title: Sightless
Fandom: Heralds of Valdemar
Author:
senashentaRating: K+
Genre: Fantasy, Angst, Tragedy
Characters: Annai Sellia, Companion Forenigh, Daya Helfers, Companion Kendi, Companion Kio, Healer Araka Little
Disclaimer: Valdemar and concepts belong to Mercedes Lackey; lyrics are to "I Would've Loved You Anyway" by Tricia Yearwood; original characters and this fic belong to their author.
Summary: A terrible mistake in centuries past means that Heralds and Companions are hated. In this world, a boy accepts a Companion's Choice, and sets his fate on that decision.
SIGHTLESS
By Senashenta
A splash of shining white, standing in the middle of his father's corn fields.
Annai knew it was a Companion, though in his fourteen years of life, he had never before seen one. It could be nothing else. And he also knew that if his father saw it, there would be hell to pay. He should reach for the hoe. He should reach for the hoe, and then chase it away. Yet somehow, his hand remained at his side, and the hoe remained leaning against the barn wall.
It began to pace toward him, fluid grace and poetry in motion. The corn stalks swayed and bowed away from it's form, parting like water before it. And it's eyes—the bluest eyes he could ever imagine—pinned on him, holding him in place as if by some kind of magic.
She…
He knew.
It was that moment, even before she first Spoke to him, that he knew that his life would never be the same.
:Annai Selia,: Crystal bells, so clear and sweet they brought tears to his eyes, and her Voice flowed to fill a part of him that had been empty since before even his birth; :my name is Forenigh, and…: a brief hesitation, as if she were afraid to continue. Then a firmness and determination glowed in her wonderful eyes and—
Fate.
:You are my Chosen.:
-
If I'd've known the way that this would end,
If I'd've read the last page first,
-
"I won't have one o' them things on my farm!"
"But Da—"
"NO!"
He had never seen his father so furious, and truth to tell, Annai was more than a little afraid. Righteous anger echoed in the confines of the barn. His hands trembled. His eyes flitted down from his father's face to where clenched fists were held so hard that the knuckles had turned ghostly white.
Oh Goddess, he's gonna' kill me…
Forenigh was standing outside the barn, a fleeting vision of silver against the setting sun and growing darkness, and he could feel her gaze resting firmly on him. Indeed, the warmth of her Mind against his was the only thing that was keeping him from fleeing.
He was caught between her eyes and his father's.
:He won't hurt you, Chosen.: Determination, and somehow he knew that she spoke the truth; :I won't let him.:
"Git it outta' here, boy! NOW!"
"But—"
"If you won't do it, I will! No son o' mine'll chum with one o' these—these beasts!"
"Da, Forenigh Ch—"
"BOY!" A roar of anger, and suddenly the man was in motion, feet thudding dully against the dirt and hay that carpeted the barn floor, and Annai's eyes widened hugely when he realized that his father was heading for the tools that leaned against the corner—one heavy hand clamped around the pitchfork, and he spun around once more; "git offa' my farm!"
Forenigh began to move forward, but before she could get close enough to block the blow, he lashed out with the pitchfork, slashing a deep wound across Annai's right shoulder, making him fall back in shock, blood spattering to the ground with the movement.
:Annai!:
He fell back against Forenigh's flank, left hand raised and clamped against the wound, staring blankly as his father's eyes narrowed. What he saw beyond their dark depths was a hatred he could not even fathom, and a coldness that made even his soul shiver.
"Git offa' my farm." The words were growled lowly, sincerely; "both of you."
-
If I'd've had the strength to walk away,
If I'd've known how this would hurt,
-
Dirt and dust flowed through the water, vanishing into the river, and after another moment of scrubbing, Annai shifted back from the river's edge, pulling his tunic from the water and shaking it once, then ringing it in his hands before turning and heading back toward the fire, where Forenigh was waiting for him.
"I need new clothing."
:I know.:
"What I've got is practically rags." A sigh and he draped the shirt over a low-hanging branch of a nearby tree, then settled himself next to the fire. Across from him, on the other side, Forenigh watched the flames as if transfixed. "And you need new tack."
:Hm.: She looked up somewhat blankly, then glanced back at herself. Crystal eyes flickered over the faded brown and grey leather, and she seemed to shrug. :As long as it doesn't fall apart while you're in the saddle, I don't see the problem.:
Annai shook his head, but had to concede. They were lucky that the traveling merchant had been willing to sell them the equipment at all—most refused to outfit Companions, for the sole reason that that's what they were. The chances of them finding someone who was willing to sell them new tack—or even simply repair Forenigh's current tack—were very slim indeed.
"We can't afford it anyway."
The mare gave him a sympathetic look as he settled himself cross-legged in the grass and studied the ground. After a moment, she spoke softly, almost hesitantly once more; :Annai… do you wish that I hadn't Chosen you?:
It had been nearly two years since that day. Two years of running, never staying in one town for more than a night or two. Two years of scrounging for food and shelter, of living the life of a child from Haven's Exile's Gate, only being treated ten times worse. And there were decades to go… assuming he wasn't killed out of blind spite before then.
Forenigh was looking remorseful. Sad. And very much full of regret—not for herself, but for him.
"'Nigh…" he managed a ghost of a smile, and shook his head slowly, "I wouldn't give you up for the world."
Fondness and love in her eyes, shadowed by the knowledge that she had condemned him to a life of hardship and hatred. :I love you, Chosen. More than life itself.:
He knew.
"Yes …" another vague smile, meant to comfort her; "I know, love. I know…"
-
I would've loved you anyway,
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade…
-
They had been together for seven summers when they met Daya and Kendi.
She was petite, thin but strong, with blonde hair and deep brown eyes, and nearly four years his senior. Daya was beautiful, even in the ragged, over-used clothing she wore—clothing that matched the state of his own. And Kendi was tall, graceful, handsome. He caught Forenigh's eye, and she caught his.
Daya was the first and only other Chosen that Annai had ever met, and, he thought, probably the last as well.
There was an immediate and understandable camaraderie between them, and they began to traverse Valdemar together. Daya was as welcoming to the companionship as Annai was, and somehow, the hardships they faced seemed less daunting when they no longer had to face them alone.
Friendship…
Annai marveled at the feeling of being accepted by someone, for the first time since he had left home. Marveled at the knowledge that Daya would never turn him away, would always be there as a friend, and would always understand—because she was in the same position as he was.
And the adoration between herself and Kendi would have been obvious to even the blindest of individuals; it was a love that rivaled the one between himself and Forenigh, and Annai would be the first to admit that he basked in it—basked in the idea that he was not the only one to realize how wrong it was to hate and persecute Companions, based on the simple fact that that's what they were.
"Sometimes… I wonder what happened to make people hate them so much."
A vague, wistful look was on her face, and Annai sighed—it had happened so long ago, that most people, Daya and himself included, didn't even know. It was something that was lost in the recesses of history… though he was sure that Forenigh and Kendi knew the story behind humanity's hatred of their kind.
"I keep thinking…" dark eyes turned away from him for a moment, and her gaze flitted to rest on her Companion, where he was, half-dozing in the growing shadows of the coming night; "…that I should ask Kendi about it… but I can never seem to get up the courage to do it…"
Annai shook his head. "I've never asked 'Nigh…"
A few yards away, Forenigh raised her head, chewing at the mouthful of grass she was eating, and glanced toward him at the mention of her name.
He sighed; "I get the feeling that she doesn't want to talk about it."
"It's the same with Kendi." Daya confessed, then smiled somewhat bitterly, "it must be a very painful topic for them both."
"Yes."
It must have been a very painful topic for all Companions.
-
Had I known my heart would break,
I would've loved you anyway.
-
The four of them had been traveling together for nearly six months when Forenigh announced that she was pregnant.
The revelation wasn't all that surprising—it was obvious to both Annai and Daya that she and Kendi had fallen truly, deeply in love. It would have been nice if their Chosen could have said the same… but they were far too close as friends to love each other in the romantic sense of the term.
He congratulated her, and so did Daya. Kendi seemed about to burst with pride at the thought of becoming a father. Forenigh herself had never been happier, in Annai's mind. She was lighter on her feet, more cheerful, hopeful beyond the graveness of their very existence.
For that brief, wonderful moment in time, everything was perfect.
-
It's bittersweet to look back now,
At memories withered on the vine,
-
It was a very rare night when they had somewhere warm to sleep—no Inns would put them up, no Inn Keepers would take their money, scant as it was, though it was as sound as the next person's. If Annai and Daya were seen with their Companions, they were shunned and cast out… and though Forenigh and Kendi tried to insist that they would be fine—that their Chosen should leave them to the forest for the night, and take a room, just for once, they both adamantly refused.
That would be like turning out a family member, and though both of them had experienced that first hand, they were unwilling to do so themselves.
So they all suffered cold or wet nights together, just as they shared the warm and dry ones.
:They tore down all the Waystations centuries ago…: Forenigh's Mindvoice was soft and weary as she lowered herself down to lay against the cold autumn grass, which was speckled with a myriad of colors from fallen leaves. Kendi watched her worriedly as she attempted to settle herself around the swelling in her stomach; :I suppose they thought they had good reason to do so…:
His mouth set to a firm line, Annai snorted quietly from across the small clearing they would be using as their camp for the night.
A few feet away, Daya was digging through the brush for dry sticks they could use for kindling.
:Are you alright, 'Nigh?:
There was a faint yellow tinge to her response, :yes, Love… I'm just tired…:
The foal was taking its toll on her, Annai knew. Given the trials of their life together, being pregnant was just another strain on an already strained body. Forenigh was optimistic. Kendi fretted, but tried to be discreet about it.
Annai was afraid for her life, but never said so to her.
:I'll start up a nice fire, and we'll all be warm before you know it.: He tried to give her a reassuring feeling, but couldn't quite manage it. :Why don't you tell us a story, once we're all settled?:
:A story?: She seemed vaguely surprised, but pleased at the request; :yes. I think I could do that. A story would be nice.:
Forenigh liked to tell stories.
-
Just to hold you close to me,
For a moment in time.
-
With all the pain and hardship in their lives, the Gods had seen fit to bless him in at least one way; aside from enough Mindspeech to communicate with Forenigh, he was Gifted with Firestarting. It was a relatively strong Gift, too—certainly enough to keep them from freezing to death in the dead of night.
Sometimes, though, in the depths of winter, when it seemed as if the whole world was frozen over, even that wasn't enough to ward off the biting winds—it was days like that, when they could do nothing more than huddle together and shiver—when he was so exhausted that it was all he could do to keep a faint flame flickering before them—that thoughts of what they lives could have been flitted through their minds.
"I… would've… b-been a… a weaver…"
Daya's words were breathed shakily through chattering teeth, and she rubbed her hands together in an attempt to regain some of the long-lost feeling. Kendi curled himself closer around her, eyes squeezed shut against the roaring wind and raking snow.
"I made… w-wonderful tapestries… better… better than even m-my Mo-Mother's…"
Annai's concentration was entirely on the small, dying fire before them, and he only grunted in response. It was hard to hear anything beyond the wind and the pounding in his head. He had been forcing his Gift for too long already.
:Annai…:
Her voice tickled in the back of his head.
:Chosen…:
Something pushed against his back.
"W-wh-what, 'Nigh?"
:Chosen, it's time… I… it's time…:
Time.
A moment of blankness, followed by slow comprehension.
"Now? H-hellfire…"
-
I would've loved you anyway,
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade…
-
It was a half-candlemark walk to the nearest town—one they made with Daya huddled on Kendi's back, and Annai trudging through calf-deep snow, one hand resting against Forenigh's neck as she struggled through the drifts, occasional whuffs and whimpers of pain keening from deep within her throat.
They had to—to find—somewhere warm—somewhere safe—somewhere—
"I said no!"
Echoes of his last memories of his father.
"You and your beast ain't welcome here, Herald!" The word was spat with obvious loathing, and stable-owner crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at him as he glared right back. "In fact, I'm pretty sure you ain't welcome in our town at all!"
:A-Annai—:
The pain in her Mindvoice tore at him. "Our money is as good as anyone's!" He growled under his breath, eyes flitting back over his shoulder when Forenigh uttered a low, pained moan; "just take it and let us have a stall for the night!"
"What part of 'no' don't you understand?"
"You son of a—"
"Annai!" A gentle hand on his shoulder, pulling him back before he could do something he would later regret. "We'll find somewhere else to stay…"
-
Had I known my heart would break,
I'd've loved you anyway.
-
Her name was Araka, she told them, and she served as the local Healer.
"I've never turned someone away when they needed my help." The was reluctance in her voice, and she tried to conceal the fear in her eyes as she looked past Annai and Daya, toward Forenigh and Kendi; "and I'm not about to start now." Her words trailed off into a soft, barely audible whisper, "I'll put you up for the night. All of you, in the stable… but in the morning, you'd best be on your way—new foal or no."
"But a foal that young can't—"
:Ch-Chosen…: Forenigh's voice was weak. :The little one… has… has a better chance of surviving if he's born here, than if he's born in the grip of the winter snows…: she took a shuddering breath, and Kendi whuffed nervously, nudging her cheek gently. :At least this way, he has that much of a chance…:
It was the best they were going to get.
Lowly. Bitterly. "Alright."
"Good." The woman seemed sad, as if disappointed in herself that she could not offer more for them; "come this way."
-
And even if I'd seen it coming,
You'd still have seen me running,
Straight into your arms.
-
Annai had never imagined that he would be in so much pain; it tore through him, flowing through his veins as if he were the one giving birth, instead of Forenigh.
He sat in the corner of the stall, curled in on himself, with Daya rubbing his shoulder comfortingly while the Healer tended to his Companion, and Kendi hovered outside of the stall, pacing and trying to stifle his own concern.
There was blood—more than he thought there should have been, not that he really knew anything about it. But Araka didn't seem worried, so he tried to tell himself everything was alright. He hoped that it wasn't the first time she had played midwife to something equine, though he doubted she had ever been so close to a Companion before.
Forenigh herself had focused herself inward shortly after walking into the stable, most likely to help her bear the pain that came with the contractions and from the foal's squirming attempts to free himself from her womb.
Another stab of pain, and Annai hissed softly.
"Soon, child." The Healer's voice was a calm monotone, born from years of practice, but he wasn't sure if she was speaking to him or to Forenigh. Possibly, she was addressing both of them. She had her hands grasping what of the foal was already exposed, and was bracing to pull—"one more push… just one more."
He found himself gritting his teeth.
A final, agonizing wave of hurt—and then she gave the sharpest yank—
"A colt."
:A colt…:
Annai's breath released in a quiet whoosh as his Companion blinked slowly, turning her head to regard her son as the woman who had helped to birth him stepped back, cleaning her hands absently on her apron. "Thank the Gods…"
:A colt.: She repeated, sounding vaguely dazed. There was a hint of awe in her voice as well.
The little one was tiny and wet, blinking blurrily, a ball of white in the hay at her feet. He looked around for a long moment, taking in his surroundings as only a newborn could, until his mother reached to nudge him up.
Long, spindly legs uncurled, and he heaved himself to his feet—and fell forward immediately, landing in an ungraceful heap once more.
Daya was laughing. The first time Annai had ever heard her actually laugh, to his knowledge.
:Come on, get up then.:
Another nudge, and he tried again, with a tad more success. He stood, wobbled, then fell again.
The third time, he managed to remain on his feet, but stumbled when he tried to take a step.
Araka vanished out of the stall, then out of the stable, but none of them noticed. They were all focused on the colt—on the joy of a new life, and the hope that they knew existed in his young heart. Maybe, someday, he would see a world like the one that had existed in times long past… that, they all truly hoped.
:His name is Kio.: Forenigh told them all softly as the colt began to nuzzle for his first meal; :he's beautiful…:
"Yes, he is."
And it was then that their short-lived peace shattered, as the stable doors were slammed violently open from the outside.
-
I would've loved you anyway,
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade…
-
Kendi was standing closest to the doors, and skittered backward, eyes wide, when they crashed open, slivers of wood chipping off from the force of the motion.
:What—:
"So this's where you're hiding!" A shout, angry, hate-filled, and the man in the doorway half-threw Araka into the stable. She landed on the ground with a muffled thump, the breath knocked out of her. "I heard there was Heralds 'round!"
Annai was on his feet in an instant, with Daya following him. Kio uttered a frightened squeal when Forenigh turned and shoved him back into the corner, blocking him with her own body. Kendi had recovered from his initial surprise, and lowered his eyes, ears flicking back, to glare at the man who had spoken.
"And you!" His considerable anger turned on the Healer at his feet, and before anyone could react, he gave her a vicious kick. She cried out in pain, and he sneered down at her. "How dare you help them!"
"I'm…" her voice was rough, and she closed her eyes as she levered herself up a bit; "I'm a Healer…"
She said it as if that would explain everything—as if she would be forgiven for aiding Heralds and Companions, just because of her chosen vocation. Annai knew from experience that people were rarely that understanding. Hatred of Companions and those they Chose was so ingrained in the people of Valdemar that there was nothing for them—or those who helped them—to hide behind, when it came to situations of the like.
"Shut up!"
He raised his hand as if to strike her again—and Kendi snorted angrily, lashing forward to stop him.
But—
A flash of metal—
A splash of crimson—
A shriek of pain—
And Daya screamed, the sound cutting, heart-wrenching, as Kendi fell back, the sword catching in his chest at the motion. It ripped from the man's hands, but stayed buried in the stallion's flesh. Blood splashed down into the floor, coated his nostrils, misted in the air when he gasped for breath around the metal—
"KENDI!"
:Day—Daya—:
She tore away from Annai before he could stop her, and he stumbled after her, mind whirling.
:Daya—no—stay—stay back—:
Kendi stumbled finally, and couldn't catch himself before he fell. The building shook from the impact of his body against the wall—and then the ground. Araka's eyes were wide, and tears spilled freely down her cheeks. For a long moment, the Companion stared back at her, and then whuffed weakly and turned his head slightly to meet Daya, who dropped to her knees beside him, flinging herself over him in a useless effort to protect him from the inevitable.
"Daya!"
"You!" The man kicked at the Healer again, and she fell to the side as he strode past her, eyes on Kendi and Daya—"one less Companion in the world."
The words cut through Annai like a knife, and as the man began to reach for Daya, he found himself surging forward—
He collided with the other man, knocking him backward, and out of the stable—scrambled back onto his feet when they hit the snow beyond—
That was when Annai learned that Kendi's murderer wasn't alone.
-
Had I known my heart would break,
-
Someone had a hold on his right arm, and before he could do anything about it, his legs were kicked out from under him, and he was drowning in cold white powder. He coughed. Struggled. Managed to flounder his way out of the snow drift he was in, and barely had enough time to count heads—four—before he was knocked down again.
"You think you can just come waltzin' in here?"
A sharp kick to his side, and he gasped as the air rushed out of him.
"You're a disgrace to the human race! Being bonded to one o' them things!"
Annai struggled to rise. "You're wrong…"
:Annai! Chosen!: Panic in Forenigh's voice. :K-Kendi—and—Daya—and—:
"You'll never know what it's like…" A fist lashed from nowhere, connecting with his jaw, and his head was flung sideways from the impact. Blood flecked his lips when he pushed himself to his feet again, anger rising dangerously in eyes. "You'll never know the joy… the love…"
"SHUT UP!" A snarl, then; "you, go get the mare and the colt. Dealin' with three of 'em'll make for a good day for us."
Forenigh—
He shouted something inarticulate, moving to stop them—
A glint of sunlight off metal, and a hot pain seared from his left eye.
:Annai… Annai!:
There was a burning sensation, and blood gushed down from his now-ruined eye, pouring over his tunic, dripping to the ground below. A boot lashed out again, catching his legs, forcing him to his knees, and then the man in front of him gestured with a bloodstained knife, and the other three headed into the stables—where—Forenigh—and—
:ANNAI!:
They dragged her out, kicking and shrieking, and hauled Kio out after her.
:NO!:
Annai felt his heart tighten. Fire burned inside of him. Anger. He fell forward into the snow slowly. :…'Nigh…:
"The woman's still alive."
"She won't be fer long. Bring 'er out here too."
"And the Healer?"
"She shouldn't've been stupid enough to help these pieces of trash—"
:Forenigh…:
He lifted his head from the bloody snow, looking toward her, and for a moment, she stopped struggling for her son, wide, panicked eyes flying to him.
:Don't struggle…:
:Annai, they've got—:
:I know. Stop fighting. Let them go in after Daya…:
There was gravity in his words, and the force behind them stopped her.
:Annai—:
:Promise me, 'Nigh…:
:What—:
:Take care of Kio. Always. Never give up… he needs you…:
:What are you—:
What he planned—it would kill her if she didn't have a reason to live—
:Forenigh… I need you…: his good eye closed, and his hands clenched into tight fists, his legs tensing slightly. :I need you to break our Bond… I need you to be free of me.:
:W-What?:
:Just do it. For me. For Kio.:
A long pause… and as the rage boiled within him, she seemed to understand.
Quietly.
Painfully.
:I do not know you… you… are not my Chosen…:
PAIN.
He leaped to his feet, forcing himself into action, and raced toward the stable once more—
"Hey!"
"Grab him!"
Footsteps behind him as they released Forenigh and Kio to chase him down.
:Forenigh—take Kio and run, now!:
:Annai—:
:NOW! RUN!:
His feet slipped at the entrance, and he stumbled a bit, almost falling, then jumping forward again—
Daya was still sprawled over Kendi, a tortured expression twisting her face and tears pouring from her eyes, soaking into his mane, clinging to him as two of their attackers attempted to pry her away. The agony in his own soul—the emptiness—he could understand her pain, and her hopelessness, and anger spilled over in his mind—
"You think you can get away from us, damned Herald—!"
He stumbled to a stop, whirling on the men behind him—
"You—you killed Kendi…" a low growl, and hot tears flooded his remaining good eye. "And I'll never see 'Nigh again… but…" a twisting of his lips, a surge of anger, and the stable doors slammed shut with a startling crash—"at least I know… that she'll be safe… and Kio will have a mother… and you…"
A tingling in the air.
"You will never see the light of day again." Hands clenching into fists, eyes squeezed shut—:'Nigh… I love you…:
And the building burst into flame around him.
-
I'd've loved you anyway.
-
***
