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Current Mood: calm
Current Music: N/A: "Final Destination 4" on Riptide.

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Burrowers And Burrowing

Lee's been home from the hospital for a couple of days, now, and I have to admit that having him back hasn't been as terrible as I anticipated it being. Normally, when he's sick or after a surgery all he does is bitch and moan constantly, but this time he's being surprisingly chill and upbeat. It's much more tolerable than I thought it was going to be. I still didn't miss the TV always being on and at max volume, though. Or the sports on the television almost constantly.

Anyway.

I was supposed to be writing Going International this week, but when I really thought about it, as much as I liked the concept of Going International, I only shoehorned it in to explain the ending of Hunting Souls and I actually really dislike the ending of Hunting Souls ANYWAY. So, I'm just going to rework the Hunting Souls ending and that meant I could scrap Going International, but then I had an empty space. Thus, Burrowers!

I've been working on Burrowers the last few days and it's up to 16,499 words and nowhere near done. It's going to be a long one. But I have to have it finished by this Monday coming up because on TUESDAY I'm starting a month of working exclusively on TKA to try to finish it up (finally.) Just the writing part, not the editing part.

...I know I promised I wouldn't email/message Poe anymore, but I'm considering sending them one more email once TKA is finished and edited, telling them I finally finished it and asking if they want to read it, since they helped me out so much with character building and stuff over the time we were friends. But I don't know. Maybe I should just get it published (hopefully) and THEN contact them, ask if I can send them a copy? I'll figure it out when the time comes, I guess.

Maybe I should talk to Mom about it, she's good with the advice, a lot of the time.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. Cull, the respirologist that Dr. K referred me to a while back. They told her that she's seeing me for "asthma" and I'm like WHY does no one believe me that there is SOMETHING ELSE going on, here?? So, I'll have to explain everything to her and hope she believes me because all the tests keep coming back normal. Updates on this later, I guess.

EDIT: Also, today I messed around on VistaPrint and designed a couple of new mugs (because I'm all about the mugs), one is a NaNoWriMo 2024 Winner mug and one is an Esprit Studios mug and I want them both (and the Jaskier one I made forever ago) very badly but they are going to cost me like $60 (including shipping) and I don't have that monies. Boo.

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: N/A

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So Not Missing You

The last week has been FANTASTIC without Lee here, and I do logically know how terrible it is to say that when the man is in the hospital after having emergency surgery, but that's just how I feel. Honestly, I can't stand him most of the time.

I can't stand him LAYING around doing nothing but making his back and his heart worse, I can't stand that he has to have the television on CONSTANTLY if he's awake and downstairs (or the fact that he watches it at MAX VOLUME, either.) I can't stand that he's ALWAYS in "his spot" on the couch and every time I go downstairs he literally watches everything I do, and clocks everything I take out of the kitchen with a judgemental look on his face. I hate that the only time I can use the TV is in the middle of the night when I'm FUCKING SLEEPING. I hate how he's the laziest man on the PLANET, never helps out with ANYTHING around here. But mostly I hate that Mom refuses to say anything to him about ANY OF THIS because she doesn't want to start a fight, and I'M not allowed to.

The last seven days have been AMAZING, except for the fact that Mom is run ragged right now, and I honestly wish he wasn't coming home at all. Which is a horrible thing to say, but it's true. He's coming home this afternoon, though, so I'm stuck with him again and I'm literally crying at the very thought.

I desperately need my own place again. DESPERATELY.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: N/A

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Borderline Personality Disorder et al

Mom and I were talking today and she reminded me of something.

About seven or eight years ago I was hospitalized for being suicidal (if they only knew what I'd been through since then...) and spent a couple of days in lock-up where they took away most of my things, the things that helped me get through the day, and stuck me in a room with a woman who thought she needed to know ALL of my business when I just wanted to be left alone. Sufficed to say it was not a good time, and did not help my suicidal ideations, though I eventually told them I was feeling better just to get the fuck out of there. I've always been good at faking it.

And interesting thing that happened while I was there, though, was that they gave me a bunch of different personality tests, and they came back that I was ONE POINT OFF from having Borderline Personality Disorder. Which. I mean. Probably explains a few things. And apparently, BPD and Bi-Polar Disorder can be mistaken for each other, or you can have both, they often go hand-in-hand, so it's entirely possible that I actually have both, at least to some degree.

When I read about BPD I feel like I'm reading about myself, mostly, but it's the same with Bi-Polar Disorder. I think my brain is just so messed up there's no telling what my problems really are anymore. But it would explain a lot, like I said. My tendency to self-destruct friendships, the fact that I literally could give a lesser shit if Lee ever comes home from the hospital, that kind of stuff. I dunno. Just something to think about, I guess.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: N/A

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911 Emergency

Alright. So.

Saturday night, Lee went to the hospital in an ambulance and things just went downhill from there. :D

The way Mom tells it, he woke up at 1am in horrendous pain, and proceeded to wait TWO HOURS before waking her up because of it. When she asked if he needed to go to the hospital, he said yes, so she got dressed and then got his clothes together as well because he always refuses to go to the hospital in his underwear, no matter the emergency. But then when she was trying to get him DRESSED, he was in so much pain he was curled into the fetal position and couldn't get out of it, so Mom made the executive decision to call 911 for an ambulance. When the ambulance got here they managed to get him down the stairs on the stretcher and took him to the hospital.

I, of course, slept through all of this.

Anyway, at the hospital they ran tests and discovered that something in his GI tract was leaking air into his body cavity, so he basically had the bends (OUCH), and upon further tests and exploration, it was determined that his STOMACH had a hole in it. Now, he has had a hernia for a while now, apparently, but it turns out the hernia was his stomach displacing itself and shoving up into his rib cage, where his diaphragm proceeded to rub a hole in it just out of spite, I guess.

So, they had a tube up his nose and into his stomach to suck out all the bile and stuff so THAT didn't leak into his body cavity, and were giving him morphine for the pain while they figured out the surgery situation. And THEN it turned out that there was no one in Orillia who could DO the surgery he needed, so they packed him into an ambulance (again) and hauled him off to Oshawa (about an hour and a half drive from here), where he pretty much immediately went into surgery. They fixed everything, tacked his stomach into it's proper place so it can't go roaming around again, and now...

He's spending the week in Oshawa. The first couple days he's not been allowed anything to eat or drink, all his nutrients have been given to him in an IV, but they're going to put him on a liquid diet today... I think? And when he comes home he'll still be on the liquid diet for a while longer.

I am not looking forward to him coming home. I am ENJOYING him not being here. But on top of that, Lee is a HORRIBLE post-surgery patient. He bitches and whines and moans CONSTANTLY about EVERYTHING and it's INFURIATING. He's the same way when he gets sick, too. Like, I understand a moderate amount of complaining, you just had surgery, but sometimes you could just SHUT YOUR TRAP, too.

Also, when he's back he's going to IMMEDIATELY turn the TV on, and it'll go back to being on (and LOUD) for all of his waking hours. It's NICE to have it off right now, or to be able to watch shows I like once in a while, rather than just SPORTS and PROCEDURAL COPS SHOWS RERUNS constantly. And now he's got a reason for not cleaning the basement like he's supposed to, so THAT'S gonna get dropped like a hot rock. Or I'm going to have to do it.

I just...

Look, I love the man, but I don't LIKE him very much. He's lazy and selfish and will use any excuse to validate those things, and every time he has to have surgery, no matter how minor (this one was a major one, though, I will admit), he does just that. It drives me fucking NUTS.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: N/A

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HH et al Round Up #2

HORROR HIGH (complete, edited, posted, 10 chapters, 70,659 words)

POST-HORROR HIGH ONE-SHOTS:
1) Cheap Motel (complete, edited, posted) (14,984 words)
2) Snapshot (complete, edited, posted) (17,312 words)
3) Southern Hospitality (complete, edited, posted) (22,980 words)
4) Cornfields (complete, edited, posted) (17,862 words)
5) Comfort Food (complete, edited, posted) (17,247 words)
6) Something To Be Protected (complete, edited, posted) (18,295 words)
7) Counting Scars (complete, edited, posted) (12,080 words)
8) Breathe (complete, edited, posted) (18,627 words)
9) Cerulean Blue (complete, edited, posted) (16,134 words)
10) Everything I Do (complete, edited, posted) (13,851 words)
11) Puppy Love (complete, edited, posted) (19,943 words)
12) Summer Nights (complete, edited, posted) (19,534 words)
13) Absolute Devotion (complete, edited, posted) (21,068 words)
14) Solid Foundations (complete, edited, posted) (17,892 words)
15) Lifeline (complete, edited, posted) (20,484)
16) Afterglow (complete, edited, posted) (17,779 words)
17) Nightlight (complete, edited)
18) Say Something (complete, edited, posted) (17,372 words)
19) Put Your Hands On Me (incomplete)
20) Falling Stars (complete, edited, posted) (14,601 words)

STORM SEASON (complete, edited, posted, 10 chapters, 77,127 words)

POST-STORM SEASON ONE-SHOTS:
1) When Lightning Strikes (complete, edited, posted) (demons/elemental) (14,990 words)
2) Ghost In The Machine (complete, edited, posted) (poltergeist) (17,091 words)
3) Pinfeathers (complete, edited, posted) (just Destiel) (15,765 words)
4) Teeth (complete, edited, posted) (tooth fairy) (18,469 words)
5) Nightingale (complete, edited, posted) (succubus) (12,212 words)
6) Going International (incomplete) (baobhan sith/each-uisge)
7) Hunting Souls (complete, needs editing) (Crowley/hellhounds)
8) Echoes (complete, needs editing) (spell gone wrong)
9) Endling (complete, needs editing) (original monster)
10) Supply And Demand (incomplete) (black market monster trade)
11) Fetters (complete, needs editing) (nightmare/demons)
12) Temper Tantrums (incomplete) (poltergeist)
13) Baby (incomplete) (spell gone wrong... sort of)
14) What Angels Dream (incomplete) (djinn)
15) Grace (incomplete) (phoenix)
16) Hollow Things (incomplete) (rabid werewolves)
17) The Desert Tide (incomplete) (kelpies)
18) Coyote Country (incomplete) (wendigo)
19) Coulrophobia (incomplete) (demon clown)
20) Creepy Crawlies (incomplete) (okumade)
21) Run Hide Die (incomplete) (hydra)
22) The Wolf (incomplete) (charnel cow)
23) Crawlspace (incomplete) (ghost)
24) Mirrors (incomplete) (basilisk)
25) Sudden Cardiac Arrest (incomplete) (humans, man)
26) Day Drinking (incomplete) (ghouls)
27) Mockingbird (incomplete) (wolpertinger)
28) Dreamcatcher (incomplete) (demon)
29) Magpies (incomplete) (original monster)
30) Dogman (incomplete) (dogman)
31) Stalactites (incomplete) (wyvern)
32) Fairy Tales (incomplete) (unicorn... ish)
33) Eyes In The Dark (incomplete) (mothman)
34) The Thirteenth Child (incomplete) (Jersey devil)
35) Split (incomplete) (manananggal)
36) High Noon (incomplete) (chupacabras)
37) Animal (incomplete) (nandi bear)
38) Billabong (incomplete) (bunyip)
39) Tricks No Treats (incomplete) (coyote trickster)
40) Territoriality (incomplete) (Unhcegila/Sally)
41) Clash Of The Titans (incomplete) (Mishipeshu/Thunderbird)
42) Daylight (incomplete) (gargoyle)
43) Slither (incomplete) (titanoboa)
44) Burrunjor (incomplete) (burrunjor)
45) Leave No Traces (incomplete) (Keelut)
46) Runaway (incomplete) (amazons)
47) Bray Road (incomplete) (the beast of Bray Road)
48) Shearing Time (incomplete) (sheepsquatch)
49) Let Them In (incomplete) (BEK)
50) The Devil's Highway (incomplete) (Highway 666/elemental)
51) Crawlers (incomplete) (pale crawlers)
52) Clowder (incomplete) (original monster)
53) The Owl (incomplete) (la lechuza)
54) Dracula Drive (incomplete) (melonheads)
55) Papio Devilicus (incomplete) ("devil monkey")
56) Conspiracies (incomplete) (subterranean reptoids)
57) The Tall Ones (incomplete) (slenderman tulpa)
58) Accursed (incomplete) (dybbuk)
59) Stay (incomplete) (devil dogs)
60) Tiny Calamity (incomplete) (evil gnomes)
61) Bad Monkey (incomplete) (flying rebobs)
62) Foxfire (incomplete) (child fox familiar)
63) Controlled Descent (incomplete) (the angel Dima)
64) Midnight Spirits (incomplete) (midnight Spirit Mass)
65) Remembrance (incomplete) (malevolent spell)
66) Wind-Up (incomplete) (cursed object)
67) Cobweb (incomplete) (djieien)
68) Better Angels (incomplete) (angel hunter)
69) Enter The Sandman (incomplete) (original monster)
70) Bed Of Roses (incomplete) (poltergeist)
71) Murmur (incomplete) (humans, man/original "monster")
72) 2140 Degrees Fahrenheit (incomplete) (Kaupe)
73) Creeping Death (incomplete) (original monster)
74) Nightmare Fodder (incomplete) (spell gone awry)
75) Not Deer (incomplete) (Not-Deer)
76) Loveland (incomplete) (Loveland frogman)
77) For Honor (incomplete) (gryphon)
78) Wayward Daughters (complete, edited) (spell gone awry... sort of)
79) Halcyon Days (complete, edited) (just Destiel)
80) Serendipity (complete, edited) (just Destiel)

Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: N/A

Entry tags:

Room And Board

Mom and Lee are nickel-and-diming me to death. I already pay more here for room/board than I am allotted by ODSP and it's supposed to cover everything, including my food. Now, when I want snacks and stuff, I pay for them myself, but actual FOOD is supposed to be covered. But when I ask for V8 juice for my special diet, or hot house tomatoes because roma tomatoes are bullshit, they force me to pay for that as well. This week I asked for turkey lunch meat, which I get occasionally and have NEVER had to pay for it before, and suddenly Mom has decided that I have to pay for it out of pocket. It's like $15.50.

And that's another thing. I'm CONSTANTLY picking up little odds-and-sods of snacks for them when I find stuff I think they'd like, but I NEVER ask them to pay for them, even when they offer. But if I "buy" something for $12.25 you had better bet I'm PAYING THAT QUARTER because they are NOT willing to round down. They'll round UP if it's in pennies, but NEVER DOWN. I need some form of groceries every week that aren't their "normal" groceries because of my fucking liver but they won't give a Goddamn INCH.

It's no wonder I never have any money.